| anything goes |
[Oct. 26th, 2009|12:06 pm] |
Ash: people need to respect me and treat me well, otherwise they do not deserve my company
suxxdonut: wow! i want THAT tattood!
Ash: i have a needle and some black licorice
Ash: let's make this happen
suxxdonut: hahahaha
suxxdonut: WHIP IT IN ME
suxxdonut: im gonna cut it out on my back
suxxdonut: and you rub in the lickrish
Ash: ha "whip it in me"
Ash: indiana jones says "oh will i ever!"
suxxdonut: rawr! drop that carving on my pressure plate
suxxdonut: drop that golden idol into my ancient crevasse
Ash: CALL ME DOCTOR JONES
Ash: OH GOD THROW ME THE IDOL
Ash: THROW IT THROW IT
suxxdonut: WATCH OUT GIANT BALL |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 25th, 2009|03:00 pm] |
Ash: what the hell is this
binaryslacker: Yo Majesty - Booty Clap
Ash: yeah i see the title
Ash: why'd you send it to me
binaryslacker: Couldn't find a reason not to.
Ash: reason enough
binaryslacker: the live show has male dancers doing the booty clap. I wish i could do the booty clap
Ash: i can kinda do it
Ash: but it makes people afraid
binaryslacker: People need to get over it and embrace it.
Ash: dude this song rules
Ash: i'm all over it
binaryslacker: <3
Ash: oh god it's on a loop
binaryslacker: most booty claps are
binaryslacker: just happen over and over again they go up down little to the left up little to the right down and so on
Ash: I see you are a booty-clap physicist
Ash: I considered that as a major but figured psychology would just naturally lead into it
binaryslacker: if only I finished school and didn't get addicted to the booty claps I designed.
Ash: our studies are our crosses to bear |
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| Serious Game Discussion |
[Oct. 20th, 2009|12:08 pm] |
suxxdonut: lololol GAME NAMES ARE SO DIRTY
suxxdonut: Haunted Mansion Ball Blast
suxxdonut: Bounce Out Ball-O-Rama
Ash: that better be a game
Ash: cause i've been playin' it
suxxdonut: KA GLOM
suxxdonut: bahhahahahahaha
Ash: they should just call it Haunted Mansion Splooge Blast
Ash: skip the formalities
suxxdonut: Haunted Mansion Pearl Necklace
suxxdonut: for a touch of class
Ash: for the upper crust gamer
suxxdonut: bahahahahaa
suxxdonut: i cant stop lauging about service snakes
Ash: haha whaaat
suxxdonut: http://www.king5.com/localnews/stories/NW_091809WAB-service-snake-shelton-KS.19223b6e3.html
Ash: haha he "fears losing his service snake"
Ash: HOW IS HE DIFFERENT FROM EVRY OTHER MAN I ASK YOU
suxxdonut: bahahahahahahaahhaa
suxxdonut: OH MY SNAKE WILL TELL ME WHEN IM ABOUT TO FIT
Ash: he'll tell me when I'm about to Mansion Ball Blast
suxxdonut: ahahaha i just snorted across teh cube farm
Ash: ha, well done
suxxdonut: they all know im doing something dirty now haha
Ash: theyre jealous no doubt
suxxdonut: putting ttheir phones on vibrate
suxxdonut: or 'consolodore' i should say
Ash: haha
suxxdonut: i bet in italy its called a 'sin wand'
Ash: haha
Ash: it's called an olive garden breadstick
suxxdonut: bahahahahahahahahaha
Ash: haha i just cracked myself up
suxxdonut: ALL I CAN EAT
Ash: hahaha |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 11th, 2009|03:23 pm] |
meg: what is the news?
Ash: i'm watching vintage porn!
meg: OMG, MY FAVORITE FLAVOR
Ash: there's this documentary called indie sex
meg: that wasn't supposed to be in caps,oops
Ash: has all these really interesting commentators
meg: joss whedon
meg: steven spielberg
Ash: adolf hitler
meg: matt groening
Ash: oh happy 9/11 btw
meg: yes, happy patriot day
Ash: there is a michael jackson singalong at central cinema tonight
Ash: to commemorate a more important loss
Ash: MEMORIAL TRUMP
meg: i am thankful for the valiant attemps of our nation's brave firefighters
meg: as well as those by hallmark to profit from the deaths of thousands
meg: memorial burn
meg: straight-up memorial snap
meg: so i have this new job two days a week, answering the phone for a "talent agency"
meg: someone paid bank for a gene simmons impersonator the other day
meg: how retarded
Ash: god
Ash: worst choice ever
meg: right
Ash: hi we hired a child rapist for our party
Ash: ENJOY HIS TONGUELY WAYS
meg: haha
meg: asdfshagd
meg: she needs female clowns
meg: if you know any
Ash: dude
Ash: isn't that what we are?
Ash: da dum ching
meg: srsly
Generated by im2html. |
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| Reliving Old Saps |
[Aug. 14th, 2009|02:44 pm] |
me: this is a relatively disturbing spam email subject: "You can be the father for all the hung men out there!"
Vincent: and you CAN, ashley! just follow your dreemz!
Vincent: that's the body of the message, no doubt
me: i'm not ready to be a daddy, not even to a slew of huge penises
Vincent: agreed. i hope you're into friendly cuddles
me: i just hate that word, I enjoy the activity
me: cuddling as a word creeps me out a little, I think that means i've been to Burning man too many times
Vincent: oh, yigh, are they into bandying about the c-word there?
me: i want to make up a new word
me: like smushing
Vincent: omg. yes. that.
me: or jabberjocking
me: i like burrowing my head into various crevasses
me: that should be called affectionate cannonballing
me: or lovebunting
Vincent: i'm tirelessly affectionate. glad i'm in good company.
Vincent: lovebunting ftw
Vincent: fluffbuffing
Vincent: hm. maybe not.
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| Donut Law |
[Aug. 11th, 2009|12:33 pm] |
Ash: i just ate a maple bar with black coffee
Ash: i am such a cop
caplatter: HAHAHA
caplatter: num
Ash: yeah it was fantastically satisfying
Ash: i should tell Vince to dip his penis in maple
caplatter: ooh, delicious *and* exciting!
caplatter: tell him you'll wear your cop uniform
Ash: haha
caplatter: or even better!
caplatter: he should wear it
caplatter: Hot Cops!
Ash: GLAZED OFFICERS OF THE LAW
caplatter: and he can be like, EAT that donut, you lawbreaker you
Ash: hahaha
Ash: DIP IT IN YOUR COFFEE POT
caplatter: i'm trying to think of what he could use the handcuffs for
Ash: he could force feed me old fashioneds
Ash: I WONT STOP TIL YOU SURRENDER VIA SUGAR COMA
caplatter: hahaha!
caplatter: man
Ash: COMPLY COMPLY! OH YEAH YOU LIKE TO COMPLY DONT YOU
caplatter: you guys could record it and sell it as foodie porn!
Ash: fuck yes
caplatter: next episode: bacon wrapped testes with a roumelade
Ash: hahaha
caplatter: i think it would sell gangbusters.
Ash: oh for sure |
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| Worf Smiles |
[Aug. 10th, 2009|12:11 am] |
Ash: do you have that photo of worf smiling?
pzldiethx: oh the worf thing i used lj pix apparently
pzldiethx: http://pics.livejournal.com/warrend/pic/00001r97
pzldiethx: but it is so wonderful!
Ash: HELLO NIGHTMARES
pzldiethx: ahaha
pzldiethx: never
pzldiethx: look how pleased he is!
Ash: I AM PLEASED WITH YOUR TERROR
pzldiethx: hahaha
pzldiethx: diana troi was down with that shit
pzldiethx: why cant you be?
Ash: well yeah she loves chocolate
pzldiethx: let a half klingon brotha do what he do
pzldiethx: he is the fang-toothed obama of the future |
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| Michael Jackson Commemorative Table |
[Aug. 9th, 2009|06:15 pm] |
Ashley: did you see the MJ table Hannah and I made together?
Meg: that thing is fucking amazing
Ashley: only mj related activities are allowed on that table
Meg: well, naturally
Ashley: moonwalking, pedophilia, hanging with chimps, wearing one glove
Meg: skin bleaching
Ashley: totally
Meg: cosmetic surgery, marrying people temporarily
Ashley: hahaha
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| More To Love |
[Aug. 7th, 2009|10:28 pm] |
asabass79: what are you up to?
Ash: watching this super depressing reality show about curvy girls with low self esteem
asabass79: ugggh
asabass79: WHY
Ash: its like a train wreck
asabass79: is it one of those "compete for the dude" shows?
Ash: yeah
asabass79: double ugggh
Ash: yeah
Ash: they are so terribly lonely
asabass79: what's it called?
Ash: "more to love"
Ash: ba dum ching
asabass79: of course it is.
Ash: i made a porkchop and fried rice
Ash: man its so good
asabass79: lovely
asabass79: I'm trying to decide if I want to find something to do tonight
asabass79: I don't have anything in mind really
Ash: i suggest eating pork and pitying fat people
Ash: works for me
asabass79: are they cute? the fat girls?
Ash: yeah totally
Ash: they're all totally beautiful and they have no idea
Ash: i wonder what cave they've been living in
Ash: or have they not heard of the internet
Ash: it accepts all types!
asabass79: these girls all need my phone #
asabass79: srsly
Ash: hahaha
Ash: you so have a type
asabass79: *sigh*
Ash: it's cute
Ash: this show doesn't want to load and i have some serious chubby blue balls right now
asabass79: hahahahaha
asabass79: welcome to my world |
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| natural disaster protocol |
[Jul. 22nd, 2009|10:16 pm] |
elcheeze: did i overdo my diagram?
Ash: i just wish the vagina was bloody
elcheeze: yeah tough to find :(
Ash: THE ISSUE IS WITH ACCURACY
elcheeze: see more i was going for "if you poop in a vagina LOOK WHAT HAPPENS."
elcheeze: it is a cautionary diagram!
Ash: well if it's for safety
Ash: i'll get it into public schools right away
elcheeze: right along with stop drop and cover!
Ash: isnt it stop drop and roll
Ash: good thing i told you before i lit you on fire
elcheeze: that is fire!
elcheeze: this is nuclear explosion.
Ash: oh i see
elcheeze: or earthquake
elcheeze: one of the two.
Ash: earthquake
elcheeze: oh right, earthquake is "duck and cover"
elcheeze: can i be blamed! nearly the same.
Ash: you're so gonna die |
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| That's The Way LOL Goes |
[Jul. 10th, 2009|02:31 pm] |
Ash: omg janet jackson makes everything better
Ash: i fucking love janet
caplatter: hehe
caplatter: can janet make my spreadsheet go away?
Ash: she can spread on your sheets
Ash: for like $5098349803
caplatter: ok, i'll take that
Ash: just call her Ms. Jackson
Ash: and your intentions will be clear
caplatter: just gimme a bit to get someone's credit card |
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| Christina is cheering me up |
[Jul. 9th, 2009|11:55 pm] |
Ash: we should watch this porn "Schindler's Fist"
Ash: it's gotta be good
caplatter: hahaha
caplatter: i don't like it when they come out brown
Ash: neither do the nazis |
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| <3 |
[Jul. 1st, 2009|01:49 pm] |
Vincent Bondy: i am trying to make myself sound cool in a general cover letter.
Ash: ah nice
Ash: you should attach this picture of you in your underwear
Vincent Bondy: so true
Ash: for the more visual people
Vincent Bondy: that is the missing puzzle piece
Ash: i know where it fits!
Vincent Bondy: ^_____^
Ash: SEE WHAT I DID THERE
Vincent Bondy: My pastor and I both see what you did there. |
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| ...and I continue to eat Indian food for breakfast |
[Jun. 24th, 2009|10:59 am] |
meg: OK,where are we meeting?
Ash: by the bartells across from bleu bistro
meg: uh, that's a RITE-AID
meg: JESUS
Ash: OMGGGG YOU'RE RITE
Ash: I'VE BEEN LIVING A LIE
meg: yeah, wipe your nose, ashley
Ash: i just became a fan of cold showers and masturbation on facebook
Ash: FYI
Ash: indian food is my anti-sex |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 30th, 2009|12:30 pm] |
I miss Melissa!
goldfischegirl: hows your bo
RawrIamNinja: He is good! =) he is doing some science right now
RawrIamNinja: You need to wear party pants to school
goldfischegirl: maybe he can tell me why gravity is such an asshole
goldfischegirl: haha i am wearing a skirt, close enough
goldfischegirl: easy access to party zone
RawrIamNinja: haha did something fall on you?
RawrIamNinja: I will ask him!
goldfischegirl: things are always falling!
goldfischegirl: it's an epidemic!
RawrIamNinja: seriously! Gravity caused the swine flu
goldfischegirl: oh for sure
goldfischegirl: i could just see us going to a conference
goldfischegirl: WE'VE GOT IT!...
goldfischegirl: GRAVITY!!!!!!
goldfischegirl: we blame gravity
RawrIamNinja: THIS IS THE CAUSE AND WE MUST STOP IT
goldfischegirl: haha YES
RawrIamNinja: we will use moon boots to halt swine flu
goldfischegirl: duct tape everything to the ceiling!
goldfischegirl: haha
RawrIamNinja: that reminds me of the lady that had a press conference to say her dad was the zodiac killer. I want to do the same thing to my dad.
goldfischegirl: hahahah
goldfischegirl: my dad is the numerology wet willier!
RawrIamNinja: hahaha for realzzz guyz
goldfischegirl: he uses numbers to decide how wet to make his willies
RawrIamNinja: go get him
Generated by im2html. |
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| in case you didn't know, i am hilarious |
[Apr. 30th, 2009|08:54 am] |
me: i just told mikey that my head feels like an unkosher potato pancake that was only fried on one side
me: i felt like relaying that to you
me: this should be public information
Vincent: it should be on a plaque.
Vincent: we need to get some staples. that'll help with cranial cohesion.
me: i see you are a level 1 surgeon
me: omg this guy is a level 1 boombox http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/images/2008/10/26/mla00060160.jpg
me: hahaaaaaaaa
Vincent: YES.
Vincent: i want one. dog optional.
Vincent: i can substitute any number of things that would also benefit from being a boombox.
me: omg but the cat http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/images/2008/10/26/mla00060107.jpg
me: the feline counterpart to the lolhound
me: oh man, boxed wine and pissed off cats combine to make the ultimate in lol hybrids
Vincent: holy wow. that cat has murder in his eye.
me: he's probably like the guy in sideways
me: super pissed at the possibility of ingesting sub-par wines |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 25th, 2009|01:12 pm] |
goldfischegirl: how old are you?
chairmanroflmao: just turned 40
goldfischegirl: congrats
chairmanroflmao: thanks. it just kind of happened
goldfischegirl: "i'd like to thank time for its reliability in making me older!"
chairmanroflmao: exactly
goldfischegirl: i'm only 26
goldfischegirl: you must be wiser than i
chairmanroflmao: hrm. i suppose it's possible. most days i feel like i don't know shit
goldfischegirl: well there's not much to know about shit
goldfischegirl: although i did once go on a fieldtrip to the zoo's informational segment "Zoo Doo"
goldfischegirl: as you can see it has enriched me in my later years
chairmanroflmao: lol your scatacological education is more advanced than mine at least
goldfischegirl: so what are your goals
goldfischegirl: for your forties
chairmanroflmao: learn to fly and move to san francisco
chairmanroflmao: not in that order
goldfischegirl: oh wow
goldfischegirl: fly a plane or a helicopter?
chairmanroflmao: either / both
goldfischegirl: well frank sinatra wanted me to let you know he needs you to fly him to the moon
goldfischegirl: FYI
chairmanroflmao: and let him sail among the stars?
goldfischegirl: he would be appreciative
chairmanroflmao: is he curious about the seasons on other planets?
goldfischegirl: frank sinatra is filled with an endless "crooner's curiosity"
chairmanroflmao: true
chairmanroflmao: and bourbon, probably
goldfischegirl: zing
goldfischegirl: delayed zing!
goldfischegirl: i guess three minutes is a proper gestation period for zings
chairmanroflmao: i get there eventually
me: so how come WE NEVER HANG OUT EVER
me: oh right
me: your exemption from sales tax breeds a certain elitism
me: I SEE HOW IT IS
Vincent: all those pennies i'm saving equal out to colossal superiority.
me: oh man i totally thought that said penises
Vincent: in truth, i'll let you in on some awesome secrets; i am a bit of a chump.
me: and my response could have been a lot more interesting
Vincent: it's because of all the penises i'm saving!
me: i spend all my penises as soon as i earn them
Vincent: me too
me: my mother taught me better
Vincent: i owe penises all over town
Vincent: lol
Vincent: i just spent the last ten minutes renaming shows to amuse myself
me: omg tell me tell me
i love renaming things
Vincent: my roommate started it by calling House "Dr Cranky and the Sick People"
Vincent: oh, and battlestar galactica became "Everyone's a Robot"
me: HAHAH
me: those names expose many mysteries within the respective plots
Vincent: let's see. the spiderman animated series is now "dork thinks he's a bug"
Vincent: star trek is now space team
Vincent: flight of the conchords is now "not tenacious d"
me: i think spider man should be "no wonder your gay bug suit is sticky"
Vincent: lmao
Vincent: for some reason, there's a folder full of hellraiser movies on this drive. it is now called "hell loves puzzles"
me: omg no flight of the conchords is definitely "not tenacious d and not extras" or "please think of your own show concept k thx"
me: HAHAHA i looooooove hell loves puzzles
Vincent: yeah, i'm glad they're on here. dang.
Vincent: since when were there 8 hellraiser movies?
me: dude clive barker is a fucking maniac
Vincent: south park is now "swear kids"
me: hahahaa
Vincent: the sarah silverman program? "Awful Lady and Not Enough Schrab"
me: that show should be called "your cutenss only goes so far, jew"
Vincent: lmao, i'm changing it to that.
me: or "your gay neighbors are saving your show's ass"
Vincent: "insufficient cardboard dream sequences"
me: haha yesssssssssss
me: boston legal should be called "sperm laws"
me: and deadwood should be "whiskey talkin'"
me: and Buffy should be called "highly approachable and clever dialogue with chic amounts of mysticism"
me: and Angel should be called "Buffy's Boner"
Vincent: lol whiskey talkin'
Vincent: angel should be called "grumpy vampire"
me: hahaha grumpy for bloodfood
Vincent: lmao i forgot that leland had changed the Lost folder to "Spooky Island" |
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| i hate my great life |
[Feb. 8th, 2009|08:35 pm] |
Ashley: at least you're not eating mini chocolate chips and kix
Ashley: which is my dessert after a fucking frozen pizza
Ashley: I HATE MY LIFE
meg: hey!
meg: your life is great!
meg: you're in school and shit
meg: you have a cool apartment and a fun job
meg: and a sweet rack
Ashley: that last part is soooooooooo true
meg: it's composed of chocolate and kix
Ashley: pretty much
meg: it's kid-tested and mom-approved
Ashley: except the chocolate revision
meg: your rack probably isn't kid-tested yet
Ashley: haha
Ashley: it has to be man-tested before it's kid tested
Ashley: i'm still in phase one |
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| AU NATURAL |
[Jan. 25th, 2009|08:25 pm] |
cac0f0ny: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1126582/Schoolgirls-banned-lessons-headmaster-blonde.html
goldfischegirl: hahahaha
goldfischegirl: yeah it's TOTALLY natural
goldfischegirl: even the roots are natural!
cac0f0ny: oh yea, i know!
goldfischegirl: is that TATU?
goldfischegirl: ONE OF THEMS GONNA GET PREGGERS
cac0f0ny: Raegan and Aby are the innocent victims here!
cac0f0ny: But you know, if one of them DOES get preggers, then the british press will be all over it
cac0f0ny: I was hoping the Daily Mail would have gotten those girls to pose in bikinis or something
goldfischegirl: YEAH
goldfischegirl: maxim will get them if playboy doesn't
cac0f0ny: haha, if playboy could put 16 year olds in there, i'm sure they would
goldfischegirl: cognitively they're all 16 |
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amused
bouncy
depressed
